last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize