Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
