I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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