a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
