drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
