so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
