I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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