You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
