Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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