i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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