uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
