i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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