My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
