I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
