i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
