Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
