OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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