Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize