Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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