Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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