She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
