I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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