The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
