You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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