We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
