It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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