don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
