Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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