well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
