im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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