Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Drake has all the answers
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
