I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
