Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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