how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
we should paint friendship bongs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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