after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
