How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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