Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
