There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize