I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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