i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
