your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
