Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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