im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
