I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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