I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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