wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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