Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
