im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
