Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we're so committed to being not committed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
