So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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