There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Found your dick twin last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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