Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
