Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hate all girls vehemently.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
