Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
