come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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