hotel room ftw
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
