Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
