I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
