if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
