You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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