she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
