i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
