Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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