why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize