hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
