I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
