I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
