Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
