He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
