The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i want to swaddle you in tequila
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize