...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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