I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
