i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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