K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
