Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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