i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
