it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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