Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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