We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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