found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
