It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
